The weariness found in the RISES and FALLS of esteem.

I believe passionately that I am to be true to myself.

But my secret is that it is tiring.

I do NOT agree with a consumerist culture where we posses beauty and run after fashion.  I do NOT believe beauty is found in a size, or can be measured by our ability to never change; your jeans always fitting right or your skin always remaining smooth.  Deep in my spirit I know that beauty does NOT demand perfection.

But I say 'deep', because sometimes that knowledge is buried.

The world does NOT testify to the convictions of my spirit.  Beauty IS to be consumed and measured.  It is an understanding of the eyes: not the heart or the ears or the mind.  And its tiring being watched, because we do NOT always wake up to clear skin and our clothes do NOT always fit right. It's tiring because the world has power to undermine our value.

I read a while ago and have pondered since: one of Satan's most subtle and successful lies of all time is convincing women they look better with make-up.

'Although your esteem may rise and fall, your TRUE worth never changes.'
And so be it.