5 GREAT sources of joy.

The other day I finally had enough light and mirrors to see that I had an infected piercing.  I had to laugh that it took coming home to be able to realise this... which got me thinking about the things I absolutely love most about being home...

Firstly, the food.  There is not one 'Tesco value' item in my house, avocados are no longer my 'treat of the week' and salads can now consist of more than just spinach..which makes them rather more tempting.

Second, seeing the beach almost every day.  The ocean makes me feel small...and I need to be reminded that Lucy is small...well almost every day.

Third, driving.  But only locally and at night when its just me and taxis because the rest of the time its scary. (okay, so maybe driving isn't so much one of the highlights).

Fourthly, my girls.  Snuggles and cuddles and great sense of humors.  Just being in their presence realigns my opinion of myself: to take myself less seriously, and to take who I am more seriously.

Fifth, rest time to think and...well...rest. I do sleep a lot at Uni as well but there is nothing sweeter than the odd day of doing nothing which nobody knows about.  I know, I'm boring, but its kinda a victory for me.

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." Mother Teresa

At 6am this morning goodbyes came around again as another team from Texas left.  Sometimes I feel like the Christian walk is full of goodbyes, but I am reassured by the thought that goodbyes only hurt much when we are not afraid to love much.  

Their time over here tied in perfectly for me with coming back to start a summer at home.  Each of them has consistently shared their faith and their joy, looking around for opportunities and keeping their hearts open to and soft for revival.  I shared on one of the nights that after years of pausing in the song 'greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city,' due to lack of vision of change, I can finally come home and see my church reaching out to youth inside and outside of the church.  The youth center is redecorated, we have a passionate and relational youth worker, and young people with no church background are being creatively welcomed in. 

My diligence towards evangelism and building relationships has been challenged, watching the Normandale team, but also being reminded this week of the impact that others have had when they invested in me. 

I've been homesick for my church all year and it's hard to know that my partaking in the vision here is limited to holiday time, but I am excited for this summer of rest and restoration but also of intentionally being a part of a growing and vibrant community.

Frustrations.

I find it so powerful how the Holy Spirit not only meets us in the moment but at times goes before us to break or mold or equip us.  One of the ways I see this clearly is in our personalities, how our likes and dislikes can be a guide and preparation for our calling.  There are those things that always make you cry, or angry or excited; the random things you can't shake from your mind.

 Lately I have found a curiosity into whether there is a disconnect between Christian culture and Christ-likedness.  Obviously this is completely culture subjective, but I have been worried by, and debated, the extra rules we have added to Christianity and the resulting judgement passed on those who do not comply.

I couldn't understand why it frustrated me so much, beyond the usual hurt pride, when people comment on my clothes or lifestyle until I considered it in light of the burden of my heart.  I realised I am worried, worried that as much ministry the Lord may have prepared for me for women in the sex industry, they not be accepted by or feel at home in the church.  I feel like I want to prepare Christian culture for openmindedness and sensitivity and acceptance; but how are we to balance this with the integrity of high standards? How do I turn my frustration into constructive preparation?

I am desperately small in the face of my calling, but it is amazing for me to see my heart being formed.  That it is not just my affections that can guide me but my frustrations too.