To be known, to be accepted.

I have discovered in myself a great conviction that one of the greatest human needs is to be known and to be accepted.  Undoubtedly at times our balance is lost and in our great desire to be accepted we lose ourselves and are no longer truly known.  Or with equal heart ache we can make too much of ourselves vulnerable in a quest to be known and in doing so make it hard for people to accept us.

And I think this is the loneliness of a break up.  You are still known but no longer accepted.  I see my struggle against this, its harmless but evident.  New hairstyle, new clothes, new passions, travel plans I will never follow through on.  A silent scream that I am ever changing, impossible to pin down; that there is more to me than was walked away from.

And then to add to the suffocation there's the fear inevitable change brings.  The realisation that alas you are in fact no longer known so well by another.  Aspects of life remain secret that once would have been shared and recorded in a conversation or a text or a call.

Its a confusing process.  Its growing and quieting.  Where there's sadness joy can thrive; where there's doubt, hope is treasured.  I may be confused but I am not overwhelmed.  His scars from the cross are my balance, knowledge and acceptance is already complete.