Sweet, sweet peace.

Today I had a chill day, I did literally nothing but sleep and lay in the sun and lay on the sofa...and well just a lot of lying.  But I also did a lot of thinking, about my life and where it is going and where I am.  Its not long before I go through a lot of change, in people and places and routine and culture.  And I've cried about it and worried about it, got excited about it (i've even had days of getting rid of things ready to pack away my things) and i've dreaded it.  My heart is divided between two places, two homes.  But for the first time today I feel at peace. I'm in love, with a boy but also in love with love that lasts, and I'm in love with a maker who has seen me like no other and has put together a plan, a beautiful story that i'm learning to trust.  Catching up with Naomi was a reminder to me today that my heart is full, and I love life.

Catch up...with more to come...hopefully

Time is flying by and so much has happened that blogging becomes overwhelming because I don't know where to begin.  My Mum came and visited, we went on the Spring Break mission trip to New Orleans, the Hargreaves visited and now Rachel has come out.  So there has been many British invasions which delight my heart but also make me think about how long it has been and how little time I have left. I have begged the Lord for certainty of my heart, of the future and of my faithfulness to him. But instead he is teaching me the beauty of change, the structure of uncertainty and how the only way I can be reliant on him is to be unsatisfied by the securities of this world.

New Orleans was for me a lot of stripping away all the things I place my identity in.  It was a hard week, I cried a lot, and was probably the moodiest person on the trip.  But it was also incredible.  I had no idea how different the next state would be.  And the way the hurricane and resulting poverty had drained the place of hope also drained me.  The constrution work was almost a relief, because you can be in control of an assigned task.  Whereas tutouring in the schools and the Vacation Bible School were completely out of control.
  But the beauty of the churches there was also overwhelming and the pastors we worked with had truely felt the call of the Lord to be Christ in their neighbourhood as Christ is the only source of hope.  One pastor, Richard spoke of being a father to the fatherless and this was so evident as he talked with high expectations of the boys entrusted into his care.  New Orleans taught me a lot about the realness of the gospel and the need to slow down in ministry.  I will never waltz into a place and assume I can turn it around just because I care, I believe in the power of the Lord but I'm also aware of the importance of understanding and becoming involved in a culture in order to bring about change.  The students were not overwhelmed with gratitude that I had come to tutour in their school but Richard was overwhelemed that we worked on his house freeing him up to do the long term ministry he was already grounded in. That is not to devalue short term missions, just that I learnt the value of well placed members of the body instead of throwing efforts in all directions.