Overcoming Claustrophobia with Contentment.

I found myself calling home tonight with a frustrated soul.  I was feeling claustrophobic.  I never expected to feel so at home in Belfast; more than just studying here I have fallen for the character.  And yet half way through my degree I find myself with itchy feet.  To a gypsy heart, three years seems like a long time.

And do you know what my mother blamed? Facebook.  Mum is evangelical about the woes of false and constant communication, I usually just roll my eyes but I see her point here.  The root is in the comparison.

I compare myself to others.  For whatever insecurity I feel at that particular time I am met with the smiling face of somebody who has mastered it.  There are newly weds, pregnancy pictures, travel photos, people living up the party lifestyle, others writing reflective poetry about their awesome spiritual life, people working hard having found their career and then there are those that simply look great.

I compare myself to myself.  Its easy to look back on life and compare the seasons.  Times of travel or a group of friends; wishing to be younger again or yearning to be settled as a wife or a mother.  I have ideas of where I should be at this point and I'm quick to critique my shortcomings.

Each comparison designed to rob me of wholeness in myself and of feeling joy for the other person.  The Devil smirks, and I grow frustrated.

But I read the other day,

"But godliness with contentment is great gain" 1 Timothy 6:6

This advice is completely counter to our culture, something I'm looking for more of in my life.  In a society that seeks to take our dignity and sell it back to us, we must not fall into the comparison trap but instead intentionally guard our contentment each day.

A trip to where they drink coffee out of bowls.

Travelling is one of the main things in my life that has consistently produced growth.  Growth has come through both positive and negative means; lavish generosity, physical exhaustion, poor leadership, poverty, beauty, cultures I love and cultures I hate.  But travel is always different and so always provokes a response.

This past week I got to travel to France, to visit some good friends.  For me the whole week provided the fresh space and courage I needed to listen to what God had to say.

Firstly, I heard that the Lord has good things! He lavishes faithfulness and provision on us because we are his children! He does not wait until we are in the midst of persecution or have sacrificed our life on the mission field, he is actively and creatively concerned with my every need! Rich friendships, good food, creation and stimulation of the mind are to be appreciated not denied.

Then the beauty of visiting church in another language.  I first fell in love with this in Colombia where it blew my mind how much I got out of listening to a sermon in Spanish.  And so again, in France I was reminded of the extraordinary vastness of my God.  When you don't understand the words spoken you get to look around and take comfort in the fact that the French girl across the room has invested her life in the SAME God, because she too knows him to be true.  A God bigger than language and culture, and lo and behold bigger than me. And the sound of worship songs in French is certainly beautiful too.

And my third main lesson  came in a whisper on a ski slope.  When surrounded by a never ending blanket of snow and the mystery of the mountains, I get a glimpse of what it means when I read that if we do not praise, the rocks will cry out.  The purity of creation, far better a worshiper than I am.  And it was into the awe of my heart as I considered the whiteness of the snow, that the Lord spoke to me, 

"Look around and take note my child, for this is the colour of your soul."

1/1/14

Just when I had got adjusted to being at home, its time to pack up again, next stop is France on Friday! I'm surprisingly weepy about leaving so soon.  But i'm glad to have ushered in the New Year with great friends then spent the first day of the year fighting the elements and hiding out in our new favourite cafe with my sweet family.

So hello 2014, you are already my new favourite year! How blessed I am to get to BEGIN with a full heart.  And now all that's left is to make a (rather long) note of my resolutions;

1. Become a better listener
2. Worry less
3. Waste less money
4. Grumble less
5. Discover and develop spiritual disciplines
6. Use less artificial communication... in fact use my phone less in general
7. Invest more in young people
8. Embrace my quirks