Little sister syndrome.

It has suddenly dawned on me that I am SUCH a little sister.

Sometimes time with the wider family brings fresh clarity.  This weekend everybody came up for my Grannie's 80th birthday weekend.

My big sister went for walks with the family, was the designated driver for dinner, emptied the dishwasher without being asked, succeeded at keeping conversation flowing...

Meanwhile, I slept instead of going for walks, was driven (by the sister) to meet friends for drinks, I, again, slept during the cleaning (to be rudely woken with a water gun by an equally immature uncle) and managed to make a bombsite out of the spare room whilst my double bed was lent out.

And then this morning, as I bravely wrestle the cruel grip of man flu, my big sister went to meet friends, leaving me tucked in her bed, with her teddy (which I usually make fun of her for...but is surprisingly comforting) and a freshly made cup of tea (vaguely resembling dishwater, but the sentiment is all the same.)

So in the midst of a comfortable sick day I wonder if us little sisters really can consider ourselves 'young and free' by nature? Or is our carefree independence a privilege of somebody bigger looking after us and shouldering an extra bit of our responsibility?

Therefore be shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.

Depression.  The kind that isn't ongoing but lasts a few days.  Medically, I don't even know if that's possible, from experience I can tell you it is.

The days when you can't stop crying, where being alone is lonely, you can't make plans.  I'll go on Facebook and everybody is getting engaged or married.  People genuinely asking what I'm doing that day are mocking me and prying. I fear my life amounts to nothing, my thoughts are dramatic, I can't stop crying. I'm alone.

This can last for two or three days.  I'll lie in bed till the last minute because I can't find the energy to go to church, people's conversations are too loud, I want to get back to bed.

And then every time the Holy Spirit speaks to me, either in  my spirit or through somebody else and simply reminds me of something about to happen.  Something good, for the glory of the Lord.  Today it was the reminder  of youth camp starting tomorrow, where as a leader, I have the opportunity to be a vessel through which God's grace will impact lives.  And all of a sudden the sadness is exposed as an attack.  Once acknowledged, it begins to fade.  I can pray against it.  It starts to pass.

Let me clarify that this is a specific and short term attack that the enemy uses against me.  I do not suggest that ongoing depression will necessarily pass once acknowledged.  Rather, let this be a reminder that we are warned to be shrewd as snakes, for the enemy roams, ready to paralyze us in our service and seeking to steal our joy.  Sometimes, we have to ride out the attacks, sometimes we can pray and are delivered, but it is important to know the ways (whether big or small) Satan finds a foothold in our lives so we can expose and overcome them.

The Princess and the Pea.

Though the Princess and the Pea has been criticized in many ways and some believe it to portray that women must be 'thin-skinned,' I do not see this.  I have decided i'm quite fond of this fairytale.  Because in the midst of many girls claiming to be princess but turning out to not be, the Princess has to allow her true identity to come out by itself through her sensitivity.  Whilst the Princess is bold in knowing and proclaiming who she is on entering the castle, her nature is discovered rather than proclaimed.

I have no desire to be, or be thought of as a princess.  But I do value integrity and good character.  The kind that is slowly built, kept sharp by the weathering of life.  We can be quick to proclaim who we want to be seen as, but in the end, like the Princess, our true character will be revealed.  The Princes was suited because of her heritage; we choose our character ourselves.

Twenteeeeeen!

Its the end of the teen years in 8 days!

In January I resolved to be 19, whilst I'm 19.  One of the best decisions I've made.  It's been a whirl wind of girl time, alone time, singleness, good books, craft days, cocktail nights, dancing, learning and dreaming.  Everything being 19 should welcome.

There's so much immaturity still here.  Way too much sleeping time, no job, messy room, short skirts, general unladylikeness.

But some maturity too.  Finding a house to rent, travel, forming my own opinions, study.

And now it's hello twenty! The next phase!

Here's to understanding life a little more, whilst still knowing nothing of it!