Corrupted holiness.

I've always been a big believer in personal holiness. Good works are easy to do and growing up in a lost culture I've seen many 'good' people doing awesome, selfless things, without knowing Christ. So although good works are of course important, I realised pretty fast that I couldn't persuade the ones I love that I am in a redeeming relationship with the creator of the universe by simply helping out in the nursery or because I taught sunday school...they wanted something more than that.

Instead I think the biggest evidence of those who love Christ is how they handle the small things; whether they freak out when things don't go as they planned or how they speak to their Mum, or wether they notice that person who's shy or having a hard time. THIS, I believe is our chance to become,

"blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world" Philippians 2:15

...and this, I believe, is where the greatest discipline lies: in the hours spent in scripture and prayer and good fellowship in order to become the embodiment of our faith. A new creation, to whom the automatic response is to trample the sin nature in order to resemble Christ instead. "Be holy as I am holy."

But anyway, the point is that this week I was reading Isaiah 6:5

"Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips"

And that's when I realised that I have been neglecting a major part of my holiness as I have failed to realise the extent to which I am influenced by the spiritual state of those around me.  Isaiah cried out in despair not only for his own short fallings, but also for those of his people.  And it was through this that the Lord convicted me that I need to take on the trials and struggles of those around me as my own, instead of just selfishly securing my own holiness: to aknowledge the oneness of the body.

And of course the Lord has been faithful in trying out my response to his teaching as my eyes have been opened to so, so much of the hurt of others the past few days. So once again I am thankful for the Lord's rebuke and thankful for him alowing my heart to break once again.

"The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned." Maya Angelou

Friday afternoons are one of my favourite times of the week because the bestfriend and I get in from a mornings worthwhile work at beautiful feet and I get to take a long, hot shower and put on my pjs and just read or watch a movie or do such leisurely things as blogging before the evening's activities commence, which tonight is a dinner date with one of my favourite women, Paula.  It doesn't take much to make me happy and Friday afternoons sure do fill me with joy!

Today I was thinking about some of the things I miss most about home so I thought I'd share a few...
1.  My yellow and green bedroom: which has to be one of my very favourite places in the world because it's MY space where my thoughts and opinions are what goes.  I love time spent by myself in my room but I also loved that there always seemed to be somebody in my bed: be it coming home from school to find Meredith napping in there or waking up to Emz snuggling in with me or Sunday afternoons spent with Holly and Rachel just lying in my bed, discussing the future and putting the world to rights or just if I was in bed reading or studying when any of our friends would pop over to see Emz or Meredith they would stop by my room and climb into my bed.
2.  There's a little place in Tynemouth called Luis wine bar where I would sometimes go with my Dad.  We would walk the 2 miles there and the 2 miles back and he would ask me all about the plans I have my life and I would tell him I still had none of it figured out then he would tell me all about his work and all the important things that he does and I would feel smarter for just spending time with him.  Then he'd tell me about the places and things he wanted me to see in the world and these trips would always pretty much go like that.  And that's somehow become my favourite restaurant, but it's the daughter-dad time that I treasured and miss more than the place or the menu.  I have a wonderful, wonderful Father and I hope to never forget that.
3. Monday night and Tuesday lunchtime Starbucks.  Mondays I finished school early and Emma and I would drive to the Silverlink and not really talk but just have our quiet times or write letters, enjoying each other's presence.  I think there's a lot to be said about enjoying the silence of another. Then Tuesday lunchtimes were the best because my school friends would always get so mad but every week I would take the metro to meet Holly in Newcastle for Starbucks and I guess you could call it 'accidental accountability.'  I know I get to live with Hol now but those short periods of time were just special as we shared our hearts and she almost seemed to give me the encouragement I needed to finish the week well.  Then she would go back to uni and I would go back to school, thanking the Lord for that friendship.
4.  Doing my homework in the kitchen whilst my Mum prepared dinner. I can't help but smile as I type this (and I hope you read this Momma)  but my Mother has a hilarious habit of talking and sighing to herself... especially when she's doing a task.  So I would tell her to stop because I was trying to "concentrate" which of course increasing the sighing and talking to herself and so the frustrating but highly comical cycle would begin... but I would never leave until my homework was done (or if I could tell she was about to ask me to lay the table.)  I'm realising a lot lately that I am becoming a lot like my mother and catching myself talking to myself is just one of the awesome ways in which this is true.
5. Praying with Meredith every night. A discipline and delight that I miss but thank the Lord for. We didn't always want to but we always did and it was always enough to soften my heart when it needed to be softened or convict me when the Lord was longing for me to just stand up. She would usually pray for the big things that I had failed to consider before, like the persecuted church and I would tackle the day to day like our families and school. It was a good routine, I liked that one.

'You can have all this world, just give me Jesus'

The other day I listened to a sermon about living for Christ not only in the significant but also in the cold, the boring and the mundane. And the guy talked about how he and his wife had thought about moving to a third world country for a few years to be missionaries and they'd asked the opinions of others and one guy asked what they thought they would be doing differently, (bearing in mind this is an AWESOME couple, heavily involved in their local church and investing in people there) and they thought about it and realised all the things they would want to do are things they could, should and need to be doing exactly where they are.  And I couldn't agree more, I forget that I'm only here for a year and instead I've caught myself trying to get comfortable, to surround myself with familiarity, even if its new familiarity: I have my favourite places, people, foods here... goodness I even have a pet fish! And whilst its such a blessing to feel so at home here I'm wary not to forget that my time here is short and my every action and relationship needs to be intentional in the same way as it would be were I on a few week mission trip to Texas.
  But more than that I am learning and remembering and re-learning that all the comfort and security I need is found solely in the fact that I  belong to Jesus.  To look at the things I tear myself up to strive after and realise that they are MEANINGLESS in the face of my saviour... my first love.